Today was the last day I spent in the hospital. It was also the first day I felt like leaving. I was scared to go home. The first part of my long journey towards a cure is now over. As happy as I am to be home I'm terrified of what comes next. Being in the hospital all I had to focus on was my recovery and managing my pain. My everyday life was put on hold while I was there. I was truly able to turn my children over to my husband, my mom and my dad. I feel so lucky that I did not have to worry about them for a second. Now that I'm home, my old life is taking place before me and all I can do is watch it go by. I feel so helpless. I wish I was the one fixing dinner and cleaning the kitchen. I want to go give my boys their bath and get their jammies on. I want to do everything I used to do and I can't. It's hard to think that our "normal" has changed. Me being able to do everything for my children is no more. All I can do is hope and pray is that this is temporary, and continue having faith that I will get well.
Tori you are a freakin rockstar! I just read all of your posts & feel so much admiration for your strength during this time. Adam & I are praying for you & think about you daily. Thank you for sharing your story so that those who love you will know what your feeling/thinking/enduring. We love you so much!
ReplyDeleteI love the title of this! It's SO hard to not do all the things that are (or were) normal for you to do with/for them. But you are awesome and you'll come up with fantastic things that you CAN do with/for them. Like eat ice cream (?) maybe start there. :)
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