My Diagnosis

The first part of my story begins in December of 2013. I noticed a change in my left breast. The best way I can describe it is a thickening, not a lump. After finding this, I was a little concerned so as I stood in the bathroom mirror before getting in the shower I lifted my left arm and under the thickening was a little rippling. My best guess was it was is a clogged milk duct or some sort of mastitis even though I had stopped nursing about 9 months before I read that this was quite common to still be producing milk. I made Joe aware of it and we both thought nothing of it because of my age 31 and we don't have a family history of breast cancer (which by the way only 20% of breast cancers are hereditary, which was shocking for me to learn). I decided to wait for it to go away. 

In October our family had just taken on a new adventure as my husband accepted and opportunity with his job to move to Australia. After our big move across the world we were looking forward to taking a trip back to America for Christmas to celebrate with our families and especially to spend time with Joe's mom as this was going to be her last Christmas. We thouroughly enjoyed the Holidays and made some priceless memories with mom. By the time the middle of January rolled around it was time for the vacation to end so we could get back to real life at home. Our boys were still on summer break and looking forward to getting back to school and starting year 2 (2nd grade) and Pre Primary (Kindergarten). 

I thought of the thickening often, and googled a lot about what it could be. I was still just waiting for it to change and go away. Even from my research I went on thinking it was nothing to be worried about. 

Two weeks later and in my boys first week of school we received word that Joe's mom's health was declining and we should head back to California to say our goodbyes. We spent the next 3 weeks in America surrounded by so much love, but experiencing one of the hardest things we had ever done, saying goodbye to our amazing mom. 

After arriving home from the states, I knew it was time to make a doctor appointment to get it all checked out. It was a Monday when I went to see the doctor. At the appointment my general doctor told me he thought it was a fibroadenoma (non cancerous tumor) and didn't seem too concerned. To be on the safe side he sent me to get a breast ultrasound with possible pathology if they found anything sinister. 

The day of my appointment Thursday I woke up and went alone not thinking anything of it. Joe was out of town due to be flying in that evening. This is how sure I knew it was nothing, I would have never gone by myself had I thought it was something. I waited in the waiting room then changed into a gown and of course put it on backwards so had to change back. I then was taken to the ultrasound room and laid down and watched the screen as the doctor preformed the ultrasound. From the words he was using to the nurses I could tell he was concerned about what he was seeing, He explained to me that he was actually seeing 3 tumors and not 1 and explained to me why it felt the way it did. He told me he was going to need a fine needle biopsy and in order to properly do this he needed more pictures from a mammogram. I was still super calm and unsure what to think when I went into the mammogram to have my boobs squished between a cold machine. I actually had to go to the mammogram twice to get a couple more photos of my left side. Once I was back in the ultrasound room I was starting to panic a little. I was fine until the two nurses in the room asked me multiple times if I was okay. I remember a few tears streaming down my cheeks out of fear. The doctor came into the room and numbed the area where he was going to inserting the needle. He then took two samples one from the top tumor and one from the bottom tumor. The second biopsy stung and hurt terribly. Through all this I just laid on the cold table with my gown on and my breast being poked a prodded. My eyes were open and I was staring at a hideous flower picture to my left so I wouldn't have to see the needles they were placing in my breast. This is when it hit me. My boys flashed before my eyes and the tears started to come. I realized at the moment that I just didn't want to die, I needed to live for my husband and my kids. I was scared. After the doctor finished up he very sweetly asked how I was doing and explained how fast this was all happening for me. It was. I had been in the office for a total of 1 hour at this point I the tears started to flow. I didn't understand how it happened. He explained how the the tumors looked very suspicious of cancer and that my next step is to meet with a breast surgeon.It really got me when he told me if the results came back clear that he recommended I ignore those results and get further testing. It was then I knew it was cancer. The doctor walked me out of the room and into reception making sure I was okay, which I really appreciated. I was able to hold it together while I paid for my appointment. 

The second I realized I had to call Joe who had just lost his mom to the same stupid disease I now had I lost it. He didn't. He was so calm and reassuring and I'm beyond grateful for that. He calmed me down so I was able to drive. I lost it again when I went to pick up my sweet baby who was playing at the park with my friends. My friends were shocked they couldn't believe it and kept reassuring me that we don't know yet. I held it together once I picked up my boys and I ignored the housework and things that needed to be done and I did what they wanted to do. I held them tighter that day. 

The next few days were a blur of prayer and fear and research and comfort. They were full of every emotion you can think of. Joe came with to the general doctor appointment on Monday March 17th to receive my final pathology and my referral to the breast surgeon. I was so glad he was there. When we walked into the doctors of is he told us they found malignancy in the tissues thad were sampled. I had a invasive ductal carcinoma. It was a multi focal cancer with the largest tumor measuring around 1.9 cm. I took the news quite well because in my heart I already knew what he was going to say. I knew I had cancer while sitting in the ultrasound room.