My boys

I gain so much of my strength and positivity from my sweet boys. They make me keep going.

Tonight I was sitting with Max and he asked me what the hardest time in my life was. Before answering him, I tried to get a little more out of him about what he meant. He told me he thought the hardest time in my life was right now. I agreed with him and said this is the hardest trial I have ever had in my life. I explained that I would get better though and things would be okay. I told him it may seem like a really long time that I am like this, but that things are going to get better and that mommy isn't going anywhere. I also told him I love him and that even if I am sick, I will still be here for him and always ready to talk to him.

I decided this was a good lead up to see how he's doing with everything so I asked him what the hardest time in his life was. He told me it was right now because things were different. He said it's hard because I'm tired a lot and I can't do everything I did before. ... talk about heartbreaking, he was so sweet and so sincere about. I love him so much. He just gets it. It's so hard to see how this is effecting my boys. They are doing super well for the most part, but I can tell Max understands more than Tate and Porter. He's at an age where he is figuring out who he is and asking more questions about life. I just pray I can give them all enough love and I am able to calm their fears. I want their lives to be as normal as they possibly can while I go through all this.

On a lighter note, every time Tate sees me or comes and sits on my lap he very sweetly tells me my hair looks like a boy. He knows this isn't nice to say, but he can't help himself so he says things to go along with it like Mom, your eyebrows and eyes look like a girl, but your hair looks like a boy. Or coming up to me while I am painting my nails and saying ohhhh mom, your nails are soooo pretty, but your hair looks like a boy. What a sweetheart. He's trying to be nice about it at least. He is going to have another thing coming when my hair is all gone, not sure what he's going to tell me I look like then.... maybe Uncle Jevin or our friend Rick?

xoxo,
Tori